Supporting Your Child After Infant Death

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Date Posted: 03-24-2009

Normal Feelings:

Children under age 6 usually do not understand that death is permanent.
They may ask when or if the baby can come back.
They may feel like they did something to cause the death. They need your reassurance that they did nothing wrong.
They may be afraid to talk about their feelings because it could make others sad.
They may fear that they or others will die.
When stressed, children may regress. For example, they may start wetting the bed or using baby talk, or thumb sucking
They can have physical reactions, like stomach aches.
Children often show their feelings through playing. This is how they make sense out of what happened.

Ways to Support the Child:

Be aware that children often copy your feelings and reactions “Funeral” and “Heaven” are difficult for younger children to understand.
Avoid confusing statements like “he went to sleep”.
Use simple explanations such as “his body stopped working” or “the doctor couldn’t fix him.”
Give the child the choice to be involved in ways to remember the baby, such as a memorial service. Ask them if they want to do anything special for the baby.
Avoid major changes in the child’s routine, if possible. They need stability and predictability to feel safe.
Let your child know that you feel sad and it is ok for you or them to cry.
Allow the sibling to talk openly about the death. This will build trust between you and your child.
Let your child know that he/she can always talk to you, or another trusted adult, about their feelings.

If additional assistance is needed, seek help from a grief counselor.

To request counseling services, please ask parents or guardians to contact the Stepping Stones for Kids Program (727) 523-3458