Suggestions On What You Can Do To Support Your Child After a Sudden Death

• Be available, nurturing, reassuring and non-judgmental.
• Be predictable, have structure and guidance.
• Be prepared to maintain family routines, i.e. bedtime, mealtimes, chores, play and school, as your child will feel more secure during this difficult time.
• Reassure your child that he/she is safe.  If needed, have safety routines, i.e. wear seatbelts, lock doors and windows; take these fears seriously, as they can feel very real to your child.
• Understand extended separation from your child may feel scary.  Inform them of the plan to provide predictability for your child to decrease anxiety and increase emotional safety.
• Be prepared to give affection if your child is ready or wants affection.
• Be guided by your child’s questions and be open to talk about the topic when your child brings it up.
• Be prepared to discuss the same details over and over again, as younger children often re-tell the story or ask questions when you least expect it, i.e. when you are driving in the car.
• Provide honest, open and simple information, while being consistent with your responses to avoid confusion.
• Have clear and simple communication based on their age i.e. when someone dies, they no longer breathe, their heart stops beating and they no longer can feel or think.
• Explain the meaning of death as early and immediately as possible and be prepared to repeat your answers when they ask.
• Use your families belief system to explain death.
• Make the loss real for your child by giving them the option to participate in mourning rituals i.e. funerals, memorial services, going to the cemetery.
• Making the decision to attend the funeral is a personal one.  It may feel scary or unknown to them.  Your child may not want to attend or participate and it is encouraged they not be forced.
• If they attend the services, prepare them in advance for what they may see and experience, i.e. people may be crying, telling stories, hugging and laughing.
• Have a designated person to sit with and talk with your child, as they may only want to briefly participate in the rituals.
• Allow your child to have keepsakes of their loved one i.e. an articled of clothing, pictures, jewelry.
• Encourage them to do something for their special person i.e. draw a picture, write a letter, poem or bring a present to the cemetery or to place in the coffin.
• Continue to be truthful with your answers as time passes, as your child may continue to have questions as they get older.
• Reassure your child that whatever they are feeling is normal and OK.
• Children often feel guilty after a death.  Remind them that it is OK to smile, have fun and laugh.
• Encourage them to share happy or funny memories and stories of their special person.
• Reassure your child that he/she will heal in time.
• Remind them that their special person will always be in their heart and memories and there are things they can do to keep their special persons memory alive.

To request counseling services, please ask parents or guardians to contact the Stepping Stones Program (727) 523-3458