What Should I Be Looking For? Signs & Symptoms of Children’s Grief

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Date Posted: 03-23-2009

What Should I Be Looking For? Signs & Symptoms of Children’s Grief

As a parent, you may be looking for signs and symptoms of grief in your child. If you and/or your child should experience any of the following, continue to be supportive, reassuring, and know that all of these are normal grief reactions:

Your child may experience a great deal of shock and disbelief after the sudden death i.e. “I can’t believe this is real”; “It feels like a bad dream”; “I am just waiting for him to walk in the door”
If your child has “why” questions, it will be important to answer these questions directly, honestly and based on their age and level of understanding. There are no right or wrong answers. It is OK to say "I don't know why".
Your younger child will respond best to brief answers. They will demonstrate a need for more information by asking questions.
Your child may begin to feel out of control. Help your child understand that the death was beyond all control.
Your child may begin to feel scared, helpless and have fears that other family members may die too, which may cause them to be more protective of others.
If you notice your adolescent is not talking openly at home, know that they often prefer to talk to their peers or friends rather than a parent or guardian. They tend to feel more understood by their friends; this is normal behavior.
Due to the nature of the sudden death, you and your children may want to talk with those you feel closest to or those you trust.
As a parent, if you are open and honest with your feelings, you are role modeling how to grieve and are teaching children that it is safe to talk or cry with you, as children often look to adults on how to grieve.
Your child may want to protect you from their feelings and therefore may not want to show emotions in front of you.
Your grieving child may experience a range of emotions from sadness, anger, guilt, fear, and even denial.
Your child will experience “grief-spurts” i.e. times when the grief is stronger, lasts longer or memories are more intense; continue to be supportive.